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The Joy of Geriatric Sex
THE JOY OF GERIATRIC SEX
How to keep the fires of love alive in your 80s, 90s -- and beyond!
By Sally Fenner
YOU CAN KEEP the fires of love alive no matter how old, cranky and wrinkly you are with fabulous new intimacy tips for geezers only!
"Just because you're a bag of bones with a face like an alligator shoe doesn't mean you have to give up on romance," says Dr. Sheila Marsha, a geriatric sexologist from West Palm Beach, Fla.
"It's true that you're over the hill -- but so are your potential lovers. So that means you still can score if you keep your expectations low and accept the fact that the cute little fortysomethings you fantasize about are young enough to be your grandchildren."
Here are Dr. Marsha's tips for "getting it on" in your golden years. If you have a weak heart or high blood pressure, you might want a younger, healthier friend or grandchild to read the tips for you, and then tell you about them later after you calm down:
1. Allow yourself plenty of time to get in the mood and ready for action. If you think you're up for a "quickie" at your age, you're dreaming!
2. Don't be picky. The old sayings "Beggars can't be choosers" and "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" hold true with geezer love. Take what you can get and be grateful for it -- regardless of the shape your sweetie is in!
3. Limit your love sessions to dark rooms to avoid confronting the harsh reality that your lover is as wrinkled and saggy as you are. A candle is O.K. if it's small and you put it clear across the room!
4. Denture wearers, be creative! The fact that you can remove your teeth from your mouth should suggest all kinds of erotic possibilities that are lost to others.
"One look at what you're up to might very well make you physically ill," says the psychologist. "And I can't think of a worst 'turn off' than getting sick in bed!"
Submitted by Pasadena Phil
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